I have some great news! Cole's results came back normal. I am relieved and yet at the same time dissappointed because now I know for sure that it is all me.
With the change of seasons and everything is white, I'm changing my life as well. I have decided to start taking better care of myself physically and mentally. I started the 17 day diet and have been doing very good so far! I'm eating healthier, watching my portion control and I've quit drinking! I have hid behind the excuse "I'm trying to get pregnant so who cares about my weight" for too long!! So lean meats, veggies, fruits and greek yogurt!! I've already noticed how much better I feel emotionally too since I've started eating healthier.
I am also thinking about acupuncture. I've never done it before and the idea of being poked with needles isn't the most appealing but I'm becoming more open to the idea. My chiropractor suggested acupunture for fertility so if any of you have any referrals, let me know! I'll let you know how it goes (if I go through with it).
I've also started another round of infertility drugs, clomid. I was really hoping I would have exciting news at Christmas this year but unfortunately that is not the case. As much as I love my OBGYN I think it's time for me to see a specialist. I made an appointment in January at the Reproductive Medicine Center. I'm hoping that I'll get pregnant this month and will be able to cancel my appointment but I'm having a hard time staying positive.
That is all I have for an update. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
A Case of the Giggles
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!! I know that one person I am very thankful for this year is my hubby, Cole...
Start of November I started double dose of clomid so everyday is a constent battle to stay positive! I have had quite a few meltdowns... I am hyper senstive about everything! But Cole has been my rock and even at my finest, he sticks around!! Though everytime I get mad at him (for every little stupid thing) he asks me "are you really mad, or is this the clomid talking?" Wanna KILL him everytime!! HAHA but he knows how much I am struggling with this and tries to help!
We also had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, Nov. 21st. This time it wasn't an appointment for me, but for Cole. Now I know I'm suppose to be an adult and mature about all this stuff but everytime I read the word "ejaculate" and "masturbation" in the lobby that day, I couldn't stop giggling. I was nervous!! And everyone in that office knew what we were about to do!! hehehe
We got into the room and this room is TINY!! It's a closet!! there's a sink, cabinet, tv/dvd combo (any guesses for what????) and a chair!! Well the nurse goes over everything and then asks if we want a video!! I quickly reply "NO!!" and she just laughs and says "oh, just thought maybe you wanted to have date night or something!" So my giggles become even greater at this point!! As we close the door, Cole starts filling out the paperwork and I am so nervous I am giggling profusely!! Can't stop! Cole looks at me, sighs, and says "I think things would be better if you just go sit in the waiting room." So away I go to hang out and read a magazine...
So I'm sure you all are wondering the results. Unfortunately we won't know for 7-10 business days... So the beginning of December we should know something. This might sound weird or terrible to say, but I'm kind of hoping that they say that his count is low. It would make me feel better knowing that it wasn't just me... I know that might not make sense and I know its terrible to hope for something like that, but there is a small part of me that does and I can't help it!!
So for know we wait (patience isn't my strong suit)!! I will let you know more when I know more!! Until then, thank you again everyone for you love, support and kind words!! I really appreciate you all and am so thankful to have you all in my life. Also want to give someone a special shout out for the wonderful card and the beautiful serenity prayer bracelet!! I will treasure the kind words and gift forever.
Start of November I started double dose of clomid so everyday is a constent battle to stay positive! I have had quite a few meltdowns... I am hyper senstive about everything! But Cole has been my rock and even at my finest, he sticks around!! Though everytime I get mad at him (for every little stupid thing) he asks me "are you really mad, or is this the clomid talking?" Wanna KILL him everytime!! HAHA but he knows how much I am struggling with this and tries to help!
We also had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, Nov. 21st. This time it wasn't an appointment for me, but for Cole. Now I know I'm suppose to be an adult and mature about all this stuff but everytime I read the word "ejaculate" and "masturbation" in the lobby that day, I couldn't stop giggling. I was nervous!! And everyone in that office knew what we were about to do!! hehehe
We got into the room and this room is TINY!! It's a closet!! there's a sink, cabinet, tv/dvd combo (any guesses for what????) and a chair!! Well the nurse goes over everything and then asks if we want a video!! I quickly reply "NO!!" and she just laughs and says "oh, just thought maybe you wanted to have date night or something!" So my giggles become even greater at this point!! As we close the door, Cole starts filling out the paperwork and I am so nervous I am giggling profusely!! Can't stop! Cole looks at me, sighs, and says "I think things would be better if you just go sit in the waiting room." So away I go to hang out and read a magazine...
So I'm sure you all are wondering the results. Unfortunately we won't know for 7-10 business days... So the beginning of December we should know something. This might sound weird or terrible to say, but I'm kind of hoping that they say that his count is low. It would make me feel better knowing that it wasn't just me... I know that might not make sense and I know its terrible to hope for something like that, but there is a small part of me that does and I can't help it!!
So for know we wait (patience isn't my strong suit)!! I will let you know more when I know more!! Until then, thank you again everyone for you love, support and kind words!! I really appreciate you all and am so thankful to have you all in my life. Also want to give someone a special shout out for the wonderful card and the beautiful serenity prayer bracelet!! I will treasure the kind words and gift forever.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
patience is a virtue
So I had another doctors appointment today and it came with good news and some irritating news.
Cole came with me today. I didn't really expect him to come today but I think he is becoming more supportive and wanted to hear from the doctor himself. (it was also raining/snowing out so I'm sure he was happy not to be outside working)
Firstly, my doctor is a complete nerd. He's so smart that he's almost socially awkward. This was the first time he met Cole and I think its good to put a face to the name, for both of them. I am also so impressed with how much my doctor knows/remembers. Of course all the medical stuff is in the charts but he remembered things like when I said Cole worked out of town a lot.
So we went over my ovulation cycles the last three months and he doesn't seem to be worried that I didn't ovulate in September. He is going to up my dose of clomid from 50mg to 100mg. It was really funny, Dr. M asks me if I feel nauseous, I say no, he goes are you moody at all? Cole just starts laughing as I say, yeah I have my moments. haha
He also gave Cole a really hard time about not going in yet for a semen analysis. He sent us home with a big stack of papers with more information on it. I think it made Cole less anxious about it, so we will be scheduling him in the next couple weeks. I'm pretty sure the reason we haven't been able to get pregnant is because my "parts" aren't working. But the doctor made a comment today that turned a light bulb in Cole's head, he said "Lets just rule this out before we look into the next steps. Why make her go through more if it's not her?" Cole's convinced that he's going to get a hot nurse to "assist" him... (good luck with that buddy!)
We also ruled out PCOS today which is great! He said that initially he would have tested for it but since I've been responding to the clomid and ovulating, that he doesn't think I have it.
Since this blog was "released" my grandma called me and told me a little more detailed history. I guess when my grandma was pregnant with my mom, she was given Thalidimide. Thalidomide is a sedative drug introduced in the late 1950s that was used to treat morning sickness and to aid sleep. It was sold from 1957 until 1961, when it was withdrawn after being found to be a teratogen - a cause of birth defects. It was the reason why my mom had complications with her pregnancies. My grandma thought that it possibly was the cause of my birth defects (ear, etc) and maybe why I am having difficulties getting pregnant. So I brought it up to my doctor today and he said he's never heard of it affecting a third generation and that not to be worried about. (GOOD NEWS!!)
So hopefully this month was the month that we "got the job done" and we'll find out in the next couple weeks!?! Otherwise double dose of clomid crazies next month!! And Cole will be going in for his analysis.
Thanks for following my blog!
Cole came with me today. I didn't really expect him to come today but I think he is becoming more supportive and wanted to hear from the doctor himself. (it was also raining/snowing out so I'm sure he was happy not to be outside working)
Firstly, my doctor is a complete nerd. He's so smart that he's almost socially awkward. This was the first time he met Cole and I think its good to put a face to the name, for both of them. I am also so impressed with how much my doctor knows/remembers. Of course all the medical stuff is in the charts but he remembered things like when I said Cole worked out of town a lot.
So we went over my ovulation cycles the last three months and he doesn't seem to be worried that I didn't ovulate in September. He is going to up my dose of clomid from 50mg to 100mg. It was really funny, Dr. M asks me if I feel nauseous, I say no, he goes are you moody at all? Cole just starts laughing as I say, yeah I have my moments. haha
He also gave Cole a really hard time about not going in yet for a semen analysis. He sent us home with a big stack of papers with more information on it. I think it made Cole less anxious about it, so we will be scheduling him in the next couple weeks. I'm pretty sure the reason we haven't been able to get pregnant is because my "parts" aren't working. But the doctor made a comment today that turned a light bulb in Cole's head, he said "Lets just rule this out before we look into the next steps. Why make her go through more if it's not her?" Cole's convinced that he's going to get a hot nurse to "assist" him... (good luck with that buddy!)
We also ruled out PCOS today which is great! He said that initially he would have tested for it but since I've been responding to the clomid and ovulating, that he doesn't think I have it.
Since this blog was "released" my grandma called me and told me a little more detailed history. I guess when my grandma was pregnant with my mom, she was given Thalidimide. Thalidomide is a sedative drug introduced in the late 1950s that was used to treat morning sickness and to aid sleep. It was sold from 1957 until 1961, when it was withdrawn after being found to be a teratogen - a cause of birth defects. It was the reason why my mom had complications with her pregnancies. My grandma thought that it possibly was the cause of my birth defects (ear, etc) and maybe why I am having difficulties getting pregnant. So I brought it up to my doctor today and he said he's never heard of it affecting a third generation and that not to be worried about. (GOOD NEWS!!)
So hopefully this month was the month that we "got the job done" and we'll find out in the next couple weeks!?! Otherwise double dose of clomid crazies next month!! And Cole will be going in for his analysis.
Thanks for following my blog!
Monday, October 22, 2012
my thoughts...
Writing this blog has been so helpful for me. It has been like a huge weight lifted off my chest. I can't believe in the last few days since I shared my blog the outpouring of love and support I have gotten from everyone. I just wanted to say thank you, everyone.
The kind words give me hope that no matter what happens, I have such a great support group! I really like this blog to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. But I have found that this blog is also a great way for my readers to feel involved, and it's wonderful!
One really sweet person said to me a few months back that if I can't have kids of my own that I can always adopt. She stated that God knows that Cole and I would have enough love to take in a child that wasn't biologically ours. I had never seriously thought about adoption until this person said those very sweet and supportive words to me. I started to think about it more and more. I have come to the conclusion that I would be interested in the idea to adopt a child, regardless if I can have any of my own. I think about the huge impact it would be on that child and on our lives. I also found out that where I work reimburses up to 80% of adoption fees. I know adoption isn't cheap, but I think it's something I really want to do. Self fulfill and make a difference in the world.
Cole is more hesitant about adoption. He hasn't lost one ounce of faith that we won't have children of our own. If we don't adopt, I will be ok with that too. It's something I am becoming more open to is all... I don't want just a baby though, I want to be pregnant. I want to hear my babies heart beat from in my belly. I want to feel my baby kick and toss and turn. I want to experience the miracle of child birth. I want to see what kind of beautiful babies Cole and I can create together. I pray everyday that God will grant me this wish.
I just want to go on facebook and not be sad everytime I see ultrasound pictures. Pictures of people and their baby bumps. I am so jealous it hurts. I am happy for my friends and family, its a selfish feeling. I hate feeling this way.
Sorry, that's enough pity party for one night. But thank you all so much for you love, support and prayers!!
The kind words give me hope that no matter what happens, I have such a great support group! I really like this blog to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. But I have found that this blog is also a great way for my readers to feel involved, and it's wonderful!
One really sweet person said to me a few months back that if I can't have kids of my own that I can always adopt. She stated that God knows that Cole and I would have enough love to take in a child that wasn't biologically ours. I had never seriously thought about adoption until this person said those very sweet and supportive words to me. I started to think about it more and more. I have come to the conclusion that I would be interested in the idea to adopt a child, regardless if I can have any of my own. I think about the huge impact it would be on that child and on our lives. I also found out that where I work reimburses up to 80% of adoption fees. I know adoption isn't cheap, but I think it's something I really want to do. Self fulfill and make a difference in the world.
Cole is more hesitant about adoption. He hasn't lost one ounce of faith that we won't have children of our own. If we don't adopt, I will be ok with that too. It's something I am becoming more open to is all... I don't want just a baby though, I want to be pregnant. I want to hear my babies heart beat from in my belly. I want to feel my baby kick and toss and turn. I want to experience the miracle of child birth. I want to see what kind of beautiful babies Cole and I can create together. I pray everyday that God will grant me this wish.
I just want to go on facebook and not be sad everytime I see ultrasound pictures. Pictures of people and their baby bumps. I am so jealous it hurts. I am happy for my friends and family, its a selfish feeling. I hate feeling this way.
Sorry, that's enough pity party for one night. But thank you all so much for you love, support and prayers!!
Pressure Wash
So in August I went back to Dr. Magnusson. The first round of Clomid did not work for me. He stayed positive for me when I wasn't for myself though! He decided that it would be necessary to have a Hystosalpingogram (HSG) which is a digital diagnostic imaging procedure.
Basically what they do is put a catheter up my cervix and but a pressured ink injection into my uterus and up my Fallopian tubes. They then take pictures of my lady parts and check for blockage. Dr. M said that it would be painful but that it's necessary to make sure that my ovaries are able to travel down to my uterus for fertilization.
Getting this procedure scheduled was a bigger battle then I had ever anticipated. You can only do this procedure day 8-10 of your cycle and when I had my doctor appointment, I was on day 7. So I needed to get in that Wednesday, Thursday or Friday of that week or I would have to wait another month. So I walked downstairs to schedule my procedure in Wyoming and wouldn't it be my luck, the machine was down and wouldn't get another part in until the following week. So the scheduler called down to the University, no open appointments there. Looks like I will need to schedule for the following month! GRR... and I left the clinic and called my friend to vent. She gave me the idea to call other hospitals and schedule it through them. So I called over to Cambridge, nothing. I called down to Unity, nothing available. I called to Abbott, wasn't able to get me in by Friday. I was so frustrated!! And then I called the Center for Reproductive Medicine in Mpls and they were the first chance of hope! I had a few hoops to jump and when I called back to my doctor in Wyoming, his nurse was my saviour!! She called down and talked with both schedulers and got everything set up. The only thing I had to do was to call right away Friday morning and confirm everything for that afternoon. She also gave me the heads up to not let them "pull the wool over my eyes." so Friday afternoon in August, Cole and I went down for my procedure.
So here I am, laying on my back with my legs spread apart as I have a doctor I've never met in my life put in the catheter. (YIKES!) They told me not to hold my breath because it would be more painful and just remember to breath and that it would be over soon! They injected the dye into my uterus, they had left spill... another deep breath Taylor we have to try that again... ok, there is right spill. They said that there was slight blockage in the right tube but that the obstruction was removed.
They also stated that I have an abnormally shaped uterus. I have a con caved uterus. The normal uterus looks similar to an upside triangle, where mine looked more like a U. He said that it shouldn't affect GETTING pregnant but that it may make the Pregnancy itself be more difficult.
I have to brag though, the Lab Tech had an intern with her and after the procedure was done the Lab tech turned to the intern and said, don't ever expect it to be this good. Most women scream, cry and grab at you. She took it like a champ, I've never seen that! That's right ladies and gentleman, I'm a tough cookie!!
so I walked around like I had just rode a horse for 24 hours straight, wearing a pad, out of the hospital to go home and rest for the weekend!
They said that the next three months I was going to be very fertile! My doctor called me a few hours after the procedure just to tell me he got the results and everything looked great and that my husband and I need to get at it! haha
He also wanted me to start another round of clomid (3 months) but since it was too late for August, to start in September. The beginning of September came and I decided not to take the clomid.
I know it might sound foolish but I had just got a huge promotion at work and didn't want to start another round of clomid and add more stress by being emotionally unstable! So I decided not to take it in September. In ways I'm glad I didn't take it and on the other side I should have. For the first time in over a year I didn't ovulate. I'm not sure why I didn't ovulate in September, this is now something new for me!
It's now October, the third month since my procedure (meaning the last of the Super Fertile months following the procedure). I started taking clomid the beginning of the month but on day 12-14 I didn't start ovulating. This is so depressing and another complication in my life! Thankfully, Saturday evening I pee'd on my ovulation text stick and BOOM I'm ovulating! I'm only a week late but hey I'll take it!! So now you know what Cole and I have been up to the last couple days! :)
I do have a doctors appointment on Thursday to look at next steps. We are also going to rule out PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I'm sure most don't know what this is, google it. It can create diabetes, facial hair, cysts on your ovaries, weight gain, and complications in getting and being pregnant. More to come after my doctors appointment on Thursday, October 25th.
Basically what they do is put a catheter up my cervix and but a pressured ink injection into my uterus and up my Fallopian tubes. They then take pictures of my lady parts and check for blockage. Dr. M said that it would be painful but that it's necessary to make sure that my ovaries are able to travel down to my uterus for fertilization.
Getting this procedure scheduled was a bigger battle then I had ever anticipated. You can only do this procedure day 8-10 of your cycle and when I had my doctor appointment, I was on day 7. So I needed to get in that Wednesday, Thursday or Friday of that week or I would have to wait another month. So I walked downstairs to schedule my procedure in Wyoming and wouldn't it be my luck, the machine was down and wouldn't get another part in until the following week. So the scheduler called down to the University, no open appointments there. Looks like I will need to schedule for the following month! GRR... and I left the clinic and called my friend to vent. She gave me the idea to call other hospitals and schedule it through them. So I called over to Cambridge, nothing. I called down to Unity, nothing available. I called to Abbott, wasn't able to get me in by Friday. I was so frustrated!! And then I called the Center for Reproductive Medicine in Mpls and they were the first chance of hope! I had a few hoops to jump and when I called back to my doctor in Wyoming, his nurse was my saviour!! She called down and talked with both schedulers and got everything set up. The only thing I had to do was to call right away Friday morning and confirm everything for that afternoon. She also gave me the heads up to not let them "pull the wool over my eyes." so Friday afternoon in August, Cole and I went down for my procedure.
So here I am, laying on my back with my legs spread apart as I have a doctor I've never met in my life put in the catheter. (YIKES!) They told me not to hold my breath because it would be more painful and just remember to breath and that it would be over soon! They injected the dye into my uterus, they had left spill... another deep breath Taylor we have to try that again... ok, there is right spill. They said that there was slight blockage in the right tube but that the obstruction was removed.
They also stated that I have an abnormally shaped uterus. I have a con caved uterus. The normal uterus looks similar to an upside triangle, where mine looked more like a U. He said that it shouldn't affect GETTING pregnant but that it may make the Pregnancy itself be more difficult.
I have to brag though, the Lab Tech had an intern with her and after the procedure was done the Lab tech turned to the intern and said, don't ever expect it to be this good. Most women scream, cry and grab at you. She took it like a champ, I've never seen that! That's right ladies and gentleman, I'm a tough cookie!!
so I walked around like I had just rode a horse for 24 hours straight, wearing a pad, out of the hospital to go home and rest for the weekend!
They said that the next three months I was going to be very fertile! My doctor called me a few hours after the procedure just to tell me he got the results and everything looked great and that my husband and I need to get at it! haha
He also wanted me to start another round of clomid (3 months) but since it was too late for August, to start in September. The beginning of September came and I decided not to take the clomid.
I know it might sound foolish but I had just got a huge promotion at work and didn't want to start another round of clomid and add more stress by being emotionally unstable! So I decided not to take it in September. In ways I'm glad I didn't take it and on the other side I should have. For the first time in over a year I didn't ovulate. I'm not sure why I didn't ovulate in September, this is now something new for me!
It's now October, the third month since my procedure (meaning the last of the Super Fertile months following the procedure). I started taking clomid the beginning of the month but on day 12-14 I didn't start ovulating. This is so depressing and another complication in my life! Thankfully, Saturday evening I pee'd on my ovulation text stick and BOOM I'm ovulating! I'm only a week late but hey I'll take it!! So now you know what Cole and I have been up to the last couple days! :)
I do have a doctors appointment on Thursday to look at next steps. We are also going to rule out PCOS. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I'm sure most don't know what this is, google it. It can create diabetes, facial hair, cysts on your ovaries, weight gain, and complications in getting and being pregnant. More to come after my doctors appointment on Thursday, October 25th.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
The Clomid Crazies!!!!
Clomid's main function is to stimulate ovulation; produce healthy egg(s) and Estrogen/Progesterene. What the doctor didn't tell me was how CrAzY it can make you!! You're body is producing so many hormones and your body goes haywire!
For those of you that know me, I've always been a little... sensitive to my feelings (Cole would say Drama Queen) so imagine being emotional and then times it by 10!! So in May I took my first round of Clomid and surprisingly I felt normal. I had a few moments of escalated emotions but not too bad. I should also state that Dr. Magnusson told me to stop taking my basal temperature (thank goodness!) and just start using ovulation pee-tests. (Great more sticks that give bad news)
So my life was moving back to normal. I got my period in June. I wanted so bad to get pregnant in June. It was one year since my miscarriage and I thought it would be so fitting to start a life. Unfortunately the only thing that I did in June is become crazy. Looking back I am mortified at some of the things I did and said. I thank God that I have such a loving and understanding husband, supportive family and friends that continued to stand by me!! I was upset one day because my dad didn't say "I love you too" on the phone before hanging up. I lost it! I went over the deep end about this! I was at work one day in June and just started crying! No reason, just started crying.
I'm pretty sure Cole was afraid of me. I would be happy then sad, angry then laughing. We would fit and I would start with "I know I have no reason to be mad and its just the clomid talking but I'm so pissed off right now because..." It's the worse feeling in the world to know that you have no reason to feel the way you do, but you can't help it!!
Another frustrating thing about clomid is that you get symptoms of pregnancy. And your mind plays tricks on you! I want to be pregnant so bad that my body was making me think I was!
In July, I once again got my period. So in the beginning I just wanted to get my period every month and now I was getting so mad that I was!! July was the last month of my three month cycle of clomid! Third times a charm right?!? WRONG! I got my period again in August.
So back to the Doctor I went in the beginning of August.
For those of you that know me, I've always been a little... sensitive to my feelings (Cole would say Drama Queen) so imagine being emotional and then times it by 10!! So in May I took my first round of Clomid and surprisingly I felt normal. I had a few moments of escalated emotions but not too bad. I should also state that Dr. Magnusson told me to stop taking my basal temperature (thank goodness!) and just start using ovulation pee-tests. (Great more sticks that give bad news)
So my life was moving back to normal. I got my period in June. I wanted so bad to get pregnant in June. It was one year since my miscarriage and I thought it would be so fitting to start a life. Unfortunately the only thing that I did in June is become crazy. Looking back I am mortified at some of the things I did and said. I thank God that I have such a loving and understanding husband, supportive family and friends that continued to stand by me!! I was upset one day because my dad didn't say "I love you too" on the phone before hanging up. I lost it! I went over the deep end about this! I was at work one day in June and just started crying! No reason, just started crying.
I'm pretty sure Cole was afraid of me. I would be happy then sad, angry then laughing. We would fit and I would start with "I know I have no reason to be mad and its just the clomid talking but I'm so pissed off right now because..." It's the worse feeling in the world to know that you have no reason to feel the way you do, but you can't help it!!
Another frustrating thing about clomid is that you get symptoms of pregnancy. And your mind plays tricks on you! I want to be pregnant so bad that my body was making me think I was!
In July, I once again got my period. So in the beginning I just wanted to get my period every month and now I was getting so mad that I was!! July was the last month of my three month cycle of clomid! Third times a charm right?!? WRONG! I got my period again in August.
So back to the Doctor I went in the beginning of August.
A Medical Lesson
on April 17th 2012, I had a doctors appointment with Dr. Ralph Magnusson. I didn't realize when I made the appointment that my doctor was a guy! But he has turned out to be amazing! I am so blessed to have him as my doctor.
I brought my little planner to show him my basel temperature readings. He looked at the trends and realized that my 4th week in the cycle, my basal temperature was low (like the first two weeks) and it should have continued to be 98.0 or higher. He concluded that I must not be producing enough if any Progestorene.
Here is a diagram of the lovely uterus.
What happens in a normal 4 week cycle is the brain tells the ovaries on the first week of the cycle to produce Estrogen, produce Estrogen! And then around day 8 the ovary sends a message to the brain saying, okay here is the estrogen you asked for! At this point, the brain sends an LH Surge to your ovaries. This is when "ovulation starts" around day 10-12. So the ovary releases an egg and sends another message to the brain saying, got all this estrogen now what? And the brain tells the ovaries to convert the estrogen into progesterone, this is during the end of the 3rd week and beginning of the 4th week in the cycle. The progestorene coats the uterine wall and the fertilized egg sticks to it. and Boom!! Baby!!
Well, when MY ovary sends a message to MY brain that they have all this estrogen now what? That estrogen is either not being converted, or I didn't have enough to begin with. So when I had a positive pregnancy test it was because I had a fertile egg but no progesterene to hold the egg. So I was "emptying out" fertilized eggs.
So my doctor prescribed me with Clomiphene (Clomid) which is a very common infertility medication. What it does is blocks the messages from the ovaries saying they made enough Estrogen and sends twice as many requests to produce it.
So I walked out of the office with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I had a doctor who listened to me and actually wants to do something besides take my temperature! But I was frustrated.
To take the Clomid you must take it day 5 to 9 of your cycle. Well your cycle doesn't start until the first day of your period, and I had just had my period the beginning of April! Meaning I was going to have to wait 3 months! I am not a patient person! Thankfully my chiropractor, who I had giving me special adjustments that boost fertility, told me about a Progesterene cream you can get. It was not as affective as clomid but it was a natural solution. If nothing else, it might make me get a period faster. And it worked! I got my period in May!
And my journey continues...
I brought my little planner to show him my basel temperature readings. He looked at the trends and realized that my 4th week in the cycle, my basal temperature was low (like the first two weeks) and it should have continued to be 98.0 or higher. He concluded that I must not be producing enough if any Progestorene.
Here is a diagram of the lovely uterus.
What happens in a normal 4 week cycle is the brain tells the ovaries on the first week of the cycle to produce Estrogen, produce Estrogen! And then around day 8 the ovary sends a message to the brain saying, okay here is the estrogen you asked for! At this point, the brain sends an LH Surge to your ovaries. This is when "ovulation starts" around day 10-12. So the ovary releases an egg and sends another message to the brain saying, got all this estrogen now what? And the brain tells the ovaries to convert the estrogen into progesterone, this is during the end of the 3rd week and beginning of the 4th week in the cycle. The progestorene coats the uterine wall and the fertilized egg sticks to it. and Boom!! Baby!!
Well, when MY ovary sends a message to MY brain that they have all this estrogen now what? That estrogen is either not being converted, or I didn't have enough to begin with. So when I had a positive pregnancy test it was because I had a fertile egg but no progesterene to hold the egg. So I was "emptying out" fertilized eggs.
So my doctor prescribed me with Clomiphene (Clomid) which is a very common infertility medication. What it does is blocks the messages from the ovaries saying they made enough Estrogen and sends twice as many requests to produce it.
So I walked out of the office with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I had a doctor who listened to me and actually wants to do something besides take my temperature! But I was frustrated.
To take the Clomid you must take it day 5 to 9 of your cycle. Well your cycle doesn't start until the first day of your period, and I had just had my period the beginning of April! Meaning I was going to have to wait 3 months! I am not a patient person! Thankfully my chiropractor, who I had giving me special adjustments that boost fertility, told me about a Progesterene cream you can get. It was not as affective as clomid but it was a natural solution. If nothing else, it might make me get a period faster. And it worked! I got my period in May!
And my journey continues...
A Little Bit of History
Before I continue to tell you my story, I think I need to explain my past, well my medical past anyways.
I got my first period when I was 16 years old. They were very irregular. When I was seventeen I started to get really bad side pains and lower abdominal pain. My mom took me to Kanabec Hospital where they did ultrasounds on my lower abdomin and they found cysts on my ovaries. They said that the cysts were small and that they should go away on their own. They put me on birth control to help regulate my periods and the hope was that they cysts would go away.
Family History: My mom had complications carrying all three of her children. I've also been told that a few of my cousins on my moms side had to undergo fertility therapy in order to conceive. I don't feel so alone knowing that I wasn't the only one who has gone through what I'm going through.
And since my first two posts, I've had a few other family members tell me their complications in having a baby as well. I think it's a real eye opener at how hard it is for a lot more people than I realized to have a baby!
I got my first period when I was 16 years old. They were very irregular. When I was seventeen I started to get really bad side pains and lower abdominal pain. My mom took me to Kanabec Hospital where they did ultrasounds on my lower abdomin and they found cysts on my ovaries. They said that the cysts were small and that they should go away on their own. They put me on birth control to help regulate my periods and the hope was that they cysts would go away.
Family History: My mom had complications carrying all three of her children. I've also been told that a few of my cousins on my moms side had to undergo fertility therapy in order to conceive. I don't feel so alone knowing that I wasn't the only one who has gone through what I'm going through.
And since my first two posts, I've had a few other family members tell me their complications in having a baby as well. I think it's a real eye opener at how hard it is for a lot more people than I realized to have a baby!
so it begins...
After my miscarriage in June, I bled for almost 2 weeks. (sorry, graphic and TMI but you can't say I didn't warn you!) I didn't get another period until the beginning of September (3 months, follow along because it becomes a pattern) Cole and I got married and were ready to have a baby. Beginning of October came but not my period. "Could we be pregnant again so soon?" Unfortunately we weren't and so we waited and continued to try. November came but again, no period. Took another pregnancy test and staring into that very hurtful stick that stated in all caps NOT PREGNANT I started to realize that something was wrong and missing my period was not normal like this.
Finally in December (3 months after September) I got a period. I also had made a doctors appointment in Pine City. Cole took the day off work and came with me. The doctor that we saw was terrible. She didn't care about what was going on, she didn't want to do any tests, she didn't even suggest doing a pap smear to make sure that everything looked ok down there. She sent me home (after doing a blood pregnancy test ... results=not pregnant) with two assignments. The first was to start taking prenatals. The second was to take my basal temperature every morning. For those of you who don't know what your basal temp is, it's a body temperature that you take first thing in the morning (even before you get out of bed) and it shows where you are in your cycle. The first two weeks of your cycle, your temperature should be 97.1-97.9 and then you ovulate on your third week and your temperature for the third and fourth week of the cycle will be 98.0-98.7. So December I started taking prenatals and every morning woke up, shut my alarm off and stuck a thermometer in my mouth.
The beginning of my third week, low and behold my temp went from 97.3 to 98.5!! I was ovulating! This was such a relief and I stopped stressing. I told myself that it was because I was impatient but that my body was just getting into its natural rythmn and I need to be patiend. In January, I got my period! HOLY CRAP!! periods back to back!! turning point for me! 2012 was gonna be the year! I continued to do my basal temperature and in January, 3rd week like clockwork, I was ovulating! "At a girl Taylor's va-jay-jay!! Getting your crap together"
February came but not the period. Go to the store to purchase another pregnancy test (this is getting expensive!) after 3 minutes that mean, nasty stick was screaming again NOT PREGNANT. I am really starting to hate those stupid pee sticks. They haunt me in my sleep. I had confided everything to a few friends and family members and I even was talking with some of my co-workers about my situation. I kept getting the same response "the more you stress about it, the less likely it will happen" and "don't think about it, it will happen!" How am I NOT suppose to think about it when I was starting my day off EVERY DAY by taking my temperature. Laying in the dark waiting for the thermometer to beep and then write it all down in a calender by my bedside table. I was becoming bitter again and angry and soooo frustrated.
March came and still no period. I swallowed my pride and pee'd on another stick. There is no such thing as a negative positive. And this test said PREGNANT!! holy crap!! yeah! this is so exciting. for all of three weeks I said nothing to anyone. I didn't want to say it out loud and ruin it!!
April came and so did my period?!?! (3 months since my last one) Ok, what the hell just happened?!? This wasn't a miscarriage.(for those of you who laughed when I said I was giving alcohol up for lent and then started drinking half way through it, now you know)
I had also decided that I wasn't impressed with the doctor in Pine City. I had heard nothing but wonderful things about the OBGYN clinic in Wyoming at Fairview Lakes. So I called and made an appointment: I'ld take any doctor! whoever could see me first!
On April 17th, 2012 I went to see Dr. Magnusson. Walking out of that appointment I was crying, with joy and frustration!
More to come in my next blog post! Thank you for reading!
Finally in December (3 months after September) I got a period. I also had made a doctors appointment in Pine City. Cole took the day off work and came with me. The doctor that we saw was terrible. She didn't care about what was going on, she didn't want to do any tests, she didn't even suggest doing a pap smear to make sure that everything looked ok down there. She sent me home (after doing a blood pregnancy test ... results=not pregnant) with two assignments. The first was to start taking prenatals. The second was to take my basal temperature every morning. For those of you who don't know what your basal temp is, it's a body temperature that you take first thing in the morning (even before you get out of bed) and it shows where you are in your cycle. The first two weeks of your cycle, your temperature should be 97.1-97.9 and then you ovulate on your third week and your temperature for the third and fourth week of the cycle will be 98.0-98.7. So December I started taking prenatals and every morning woke up, shut my alarm off and stuck a thermometer in my mouth.
The beginning of my third week, low and behold my temp went from 97.3 to 98.5!! I was ovulating! This was such a relief and I stopped stressing. I told myself that it was because I was impatient but that my body was just getting into its natural rythmn and I need to be patiend. In January, I got my period! HOLY CRAP!! periods back to back!! turning point for me! 2012 was gonna be the year! I continued to do my basal temperature and in January, 3rd week like clockwork, I was ovulating! "At a girl Taylor's va-jay-jay!! Getting your crap together"
February came but not the period. Go to the store to purchase another pregnancy test (this is getting expensive!) after 3 minutes that mean, nasty stick was screaming again NOT PREGNANT. I am really starting to hate those stupid pee sticks. They haunt me in my sleep. I had confided everything to a few friends and family members and I even was talking with some of my co-workers about my situation. I kept getting the same response "the more you stress about it, the less likely it will happen" and "don't think about it, it will happen!" How am I NOT suppose to think about it when I was starting my day off EVERY DAY by taking my temperature. Laying in the dark waiting for the thermometer to beep and then write it all down in a calender by my bedside table. I was becoming bitter again and angry and soooo frustrated.
March came and still no period. I swallowed my pride and pee'd on another stick. There is no such thing as a negative positive. And this test said PREGNANT!! holy crap!! yeah! this is so exciting. for all of three weeks I said nothing to anyone. I didn't want to say it out loud and ruin it!!
April came and so did my period?!?! (3 months since my last one) Ok, what the hell just happened?!? This wasn't a miscarriage.(for those of you who laughed when I said I was giving alcohol up for lent and then started drinking half way through it, now you know)
I had also decided that I wasn't impressed with the doctor in Pine City. I had heard nothing but wonderful things about the OBGYN clinic in Wyoming at Fairview Lakes. So I called and made an appointment: I'ld take any doctor! whoever could see me first!
On April 17th, 2012 I went to see Dr. Magnusson. Walking out of that appointment I was crying, with joy and frustration!
More to come in my next blog post! Thank you for reading!
The beginning of the Journey
My Husband Cole and I have been married for a little over a year. They say the first year is the hardest but I never imagined how strong our love and relationship could be after everything we've gone through and what we are still going through. This is a story of our first year, well actually a few months before our marriage, to the present time. This is an answer to the ever pressing questions followed behind "how's married life?" The question of "are you pregnant yet?" has a very loaded answer.
Before I go any further, I want to make a few disclaimers. The first is that some of this may be graphic and detailed. The other is that though this is something that involves myself AND Cole, I am going to speak from my perspective.
In June of 2011 I had a miscarriage. This was three months before my wedding. Cole and I were not planning on starting a family right after we got married, but after losing something that we never even had, our perspective changed. We always wanted a family but we wanted it now instead of in a few years like our original plan. It was a very tough summer, not to mention the added stress of wedding planning. Looking back though, it was a good thing I had something to keep my mind off our unfortunate situation. We didn't tell a lot of people about this so please don't feel bad if you weren't aware.
Having this happen changed me. I was very negative for a long time and was so mad about the situation and wondering why this had to happen to me! This also brought my soon-to-be husband and I a lot closer than we had ever been in the 6 1/2 years that we had been together. Cole was my rock and my support through all of it. I would lay in bed and cry and he would just hold me and promise me that everything was alright. I have learned to accept that God has a plan for everyone and this was just one of those tests in life. But I don't think I would be in such a good frame of mind had it not been for Cole.
So we were trying to have a baby. When you miscarry it can take up to 6 months before you can concieve again. They also say that when you go off birth control it can take up to a year. So we knew that we were going to have to be patient. I don't think we really knew how bumpy the road was going to be though.
There are many purposes to this blog. One is so I stop sounding like a broken record in telling and re-telling the story to everyone who asks "when you gonna start having kids?" And in all honesty, through everything that I've gone through in the last year, how do you sum it up in a few sentences? This is also a way for me to get my thoughts and information and everything out of my head and documented. It's going to be very therapeutic for me. And lastly, when times are tough, your friends and family and even kind words from a stranger are what get you through.
So I thank you for taking the time to read this. Please check back for my next blog post!
Before I go any further, I want to make a few disclaimers. The first is that some of this may be graphic and detailed. The other is that though this is something that involves myself AND Cole, I am going to speak from my perspective.
In June of 2011 I had a miscarriage. This was three months before my wedding. Cole and I were not planning on starting a family right after we got married, but after losing something that we never even had, our perspective changed. We always wanted a family but we wanted it now instead of in a few years like our original plan. It was a very tough summer, not to mention the added stress of wedding planning. Looking back though, it was a good thing I had something to keep my mind off our unfortunate situation. We didn't tell a lot of people about this so please don't feel bad if you weren't aware.
Having this happen changed me. I was very negative for a long time and was so mad about the situation and wondering why this had to happen to me! This also brought my soon-to-be husband and I a lot closer than we had ever been in the 6 1/2 years that we had been together. Cole was my rock and my support through all of it. I would lay in bed and cry and he would just hold me and promise me that everything was alright. I have learned to accept that God has a plan for everyone and this was just one of those tests in life. But I don't think I would be in such a good frame of mind had it not been for Cole.
So we were trying to have a baby. When you miscarry it can take up to 6 months before you can concieve again. They also say that when you go off birth control it can take up to a year. So we knew that we were going to have to be patient. I don't think we really knew how bumpy the road was going to be though.
There are many purposes to this blog. One is so I stop sounding like a broken record in telling and re-telling the story to everyone who asks "when you gonna start having kids?" And in all honesty, through everything that I've gone through in the last year, how do you sum it up in a few sentences? This is also a way for me to get my thoughts and information and everything out of my head and documented. It's going to be very therapeutic for me. And lastly, when times are tough, your friends and family and even kind words from a stranger are what get you through.
So I thank you for taking the time to read this. Please check back for my next blog post!
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