My Husband Cole and I have been married for a little over a year. They say the first year is the hardest but I never imagined how strong our love and relationship could be after everything we've gone through and what we are still going through. This is a story of our first year, well actually a few months before our marriage, to the present time. This is an answer to the ever pressing questions followed behind "how's married life?" The question of "are you pregnant yet?" has a very loaded answer.
Before I go any further, I want to make a few disclaimers. The first is that some of this may be graphic and detailed. The other is that though this is something that involves myself AND Cole, I am going to speak from my perspective.
In June of 2011 I had a miscarriage. This was three months before my wedding. Cole and I were not planning on starting a family right after we got married, but after losing something that we never even had, our perspective changed. We always wanted a family but we wanted it now instead of in a few years like our original plan. It was a very tough summer, not to mention the added stress of wedding planning. Looking back though, it was a good thing I had something to keep my mind off our unfortunate situation. We didn't tell a lot of people about this so please don't feel bad if you weren't aware.
Having this happen changed me. I was very negative for a long time and was so mad about the situation and wondering why this had to happen to me! This also brought my soon-to-be husband and I a lot closer than we had ever been in the 6 1/2 years that we had been together. Cole was my rock and my support through all of it. I would lay in bed and cry and he would just hold me and promise me that everything was alright. I have learned to accept that God has a plan for everyone and this was just one of those tests in life. But I don't think I would be in such a good frame of mind had it not been for Cole.
So we were trying to have a baby. When you miscarry it can take up to 6 months before you can concieve again. They also say that when you go off birth control it can take up to a year. So we knew that we were going to have to be patient. I don't think we really knew how bumpy the road was going to be though.
There are many purposes to this blog. One is so I stop sounding like a broken record in telling and re-telling the story to everyone who asks "when you gonna start having kids?" And in all honesty, through everything that I've gone through in the last year, how do you sum it up in a few sentences? This is also a way for me to get my thoughts and information and everything out of my head and documented. It's going to be very therapeutic for me. And lastly, when times are tough, your friends and family and even kind words from a stranger are what get you through.
So I thank you for taking the time to read this. Please check back for my next blog post!
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